You think the world is an asshole because the world doesn’t give you what you think you deserve and you think you deserve the best. You think you deserve to be loved at all times. You think you deserve an attractive mate and a healthy family who love you and whom you love back. You think you deserve true and lasting friendships and plentiful food and money. You think you deserve shelter. And why shouldn’t you deserve these things? You are breathing, after all. You do wake up every day and you take and you take and you take and you don’t give a shit and for that, you deserve the best. You are selfish, that is true, but you are by no means the most selfish person you know. And you are by no means the most giving.
It’s not that you never gave of yourself. It’s not that you never tried. It’s not that you never endured sleepless nights, worked multiple jobs, over tipped, volunteered, gave your sandwich away to a man on a street corner. You dropped change, you used your metro card for a stranger, you bought that guy coffee because he forgot his wallet. You smiled at strangers. You gave and gave, but you didn’t get what you deserved. You deserved the best and what you got was a straight line. It was nothing to speak of. What you got was a life of watching reruns on television. What you did was find new paths to distraction. And with decades of practice, you have become very good at navigating spaces alone. You have learned to move through crowds. You have defined every possible way to be solo. But this shit is getting old. It’s wearing you down.